Good whatever-time-of-day-it-happens-to-be-in-your-part-of-the-world, I’d like to welcome you back to the page. You could have been anywhere in the world, but you’re here with me. I appreciate that. H-to-the… Hold up, the quote ends before there.
For everybody returning to this blog site, you may have noticed a few changes; I’ve had to spruce the place up a bit, here and there. As with all things, change and evolution is needed as we go forward. Holding on to old ways thinking that they’ll carry you to new heights is what some people (me) would describe as “backwards”, “delusional”, “fucking retarded” or “being a Liverpool fan.” We’ve come a long way and the changes are here to reflect it. Here’s to the future.
Since I last posted a piece on this page, I’ve earned a bachelor’s degree in Economics, I’ve started work as a foreign exchange consultant and I’ve found a shop that sells Durex condoms in my city (I used to have to fly out of the country just for that). Things are going pretty well. In regards to my new-found awesomeness, I shall now demand to be called ‘The Illustrious Lord Paco’ (No, I haven’t made any friends; things are still pretty cool).
Speaking of cool, I’ve learned quite a lot this year that pertains to levels of coolness and whether or not some people actually deserve to be referred to as cool. I realized that all the coolest people I know share the same basic traits, and I’ve been able to draw out the rules to their cool, such as…
4: Focus on what you say/do, not who’s listening/watching
All the coolest people I know don’t place any emphasis on how many people follow them on twitter, how many likes they get on Facebook (or having a Facebook page, for that matter), how much money they can blow or how many people they’ve slept with. One counter argument you may spew out is “men lie, women lie, numbers don’t”; however, how many truly awesome people do you know? You can count them on one hand, can’t you? Now, how many jerks and assholes do you know? You need at least five more of your friends’ digits to count them, don’t you? Also, why do you still need to use fingers to count? How did you even make it this deep into the article without calling your mom to read the hard words like ‘count’?
The truth is, the vast majority of the world is populated with shitty people who like other shitty people who do shitty things. Why do you think ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ is so popular? Why do you think that one of the most popular vampire movies of the last decade focuses on the creepy relationship between a hundred-and-something year old vamp-stalker and a teenager with the personality of vegetable soup? So, you with the ten thousand Twitter followers, have you ever asked yourself whether you’re being followed because your thoughts and actions have made a positive impact on the thoughts and actions of others, or because you posted a pic of your oiled-up legs that one time and they’re waiting for more?
All the coolest people I know don’t really care how many people are watching or listening to what they do or say; they’re more concerned about the content and quality of their contributions and output. Stay focused on quality, maintaining your integrity and keeping it honest.
3: ‘Cool’ and ‘Annoying Hipster That Goes Against The Grain In Every Facet Of Life’ are NOT the same
That one’s pretty self-explanatory, but I’m going to explain it anyway. Everybody knows that one guy or girl who won’t listen to Jay-Z because he’s ‘too mainstream’. Hell, some of them go as far as saying rappers like Mos Def and Talib Kweli are ‘too mainstream’, and call guys like Papoose the saviour of rap (he’s not). These are the ones who were fans of bands like Fall Out Boy ‘before they sold out’. They’re the embodiment of a headache. Their personality is the psychological equivalent of the sound of a mosquito’s wings beating. These are the people whom you ask who their favourite lyricist is and they answer with ‘Pablo Neruda’. They adopt the persona of a toadstool in the misguided belief that being a contrarian is the same as being cool. Now, it’s okay to dislike something that’s popular; it’s not okay to dislike something because it’s popular. That doesn’t make you cool, it makes you a hater.
So no, not liking a Kanye song isn’t what’s going to make you cool. Knowing who did the string arrangements on a Kanye song, on the other hand, is more likely to land you in Coolville*. Why? Because that’s something most people don’t know, and adding depth to your knowledge of a given subject is impressive. However, having unique opinions and knowledge by themselves is not what will make you cool. There’s that one guy who thinks cancer is awesome. That guy is a monster. Don’t be that guy.
*Coolville is not an actual town. Or is it?
2: Keep it simple (If you can)
If you don’t need a long-winded approach to make a point, then don’t use one.
1: Stop trying to be cool and just… be cool… I guess
This one is a little harder to explain, simply because of the ambiguous nature of being ‘cool’. On one end of the spectrum, you have people who are being told that they need to ‘be cool’, and you can see the effort they put into it just by the stiffness of their actions and reactions, almost like they’re adjusting from their natural movement to what they think would look good in the eyes of the public. Once these type of guys have mastered their swagger in the bathroom mirror, they take it up a notch by taking the utmost precaution to never be ‘caught slipping’ in public (being out at the ‘cool’ clubs, drinking the ‘cool’ drinks, showing no love to the hoes, you know, standard procedure). The adoption of this policy usually leads to one losing their individual identity and becoming the generic ‘cool guy’.
On the other end, you have guys who make no effort whatsoever to be regarded as cool. They just… do things. These are the guys who go where they like, drink what they like (non-alcoholic beverages included) and hang out with, yes, people they actually like. Talking to this kind of person is refreshing because nothing in their responses is rehearsed, it’s all natural. There’s a special place where your substance becomes your style, where your essence becomes your image, and that’s where you find your cool. I’d like to tell you that just being yourself is enough to make you cool but, again, some of you are actually terrible people, and it would be better for all of us if you just pretended to be cool. One Love.